Friday, June 6, 2008

A type of courage

Courage is a big word. It means different things to different people. With respect to myself, it means buying a bathing suit for the first time in years and actually putting it on; walking OUT of the bathroom; and going outside with it on (sans parka to cover it). I actually put on a bathing suit today. I felt really self-conscious at first, but then I figured: This is ME and I'd better get used to liking me no matter what shape I am. I just happen to be the shape of an amoeba right now (not clearly defined), but so be it! Neighbors be damned!

I am starting my Weight Watchers journey AFTER the big move to Pittsburgh this weekend.. I've been so anxious about meeting new people (knitting group) because I have felt so awful about my appearance. Then I thought to myself, if I can't accept me, who will? I'd love to lose oodles of weight and look slim and trim as well as be healthier over all - but if I don't, I'd better start being able to face myself every morning.

So today, I stopped 'waiting' until I was thinner to buy clothes and a bathing suit. I went shopping! I got only a few things, but I decided that no matter the size, I was worthy of a little fun and beauty. Someone who shall remain nameless once told me that if I lost weight, she'd buy me a dress.. You know what? I don't need to lose weight to buy a new dress. I may not be perfect, but perfect is boring (of course I have to say this, I'm a beginner knitter and none of my projects are perfect!) and life is too short not to live it.

So, I will eat healthier. NO DIETING!! I will join Weight Watchers and re-learn how to eat sensibly. I will love myself no matter what. Maybe now I won't put off knitting a sweater for myself (always afraid it wouldn't be the right size by the time I finished it).

Life is too wonderful to waste wishing and hoping. Live it. Do it. Be it. Love it. TODAY! :)


1 comment:

  1. I generally lurk, but I wanted to send out a quick Congratulations! Bathing suit shopping can be terrifying no matter what size you are, so good for you for throwing your worries out the window and just going with it.

    The sexiest women out there are the ones that love themselves. ^_^


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